Had a nice bonding moment with this song and someone from that Canadian razor company Harrys. I like their razorblades. Twitter won’t autofill their name in Spotify.

(Source: Spotify)

Tags: music spotify

Happy Valentine’s Day

Ask a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo Repair Manual:

Q: Our 10th Valentine’s Day is coming up. What can I do to make it really special for my wife?

A: Remove “U” clip retainer securing lock cylinder. Disconnect lock cylinder rod from door latch by unsnapping retainer from rod. Pull lock cylinder out from outer door panel far enough to pry lock cylinder switch off back of lock cylinder. Disconnect chassis wiring and remove switch from inside door. To install, reverse removal procedure

A Good Heist Show

I think a good heist show would be about a top group of heist artists (heisters?) who devise a plan for the perfect heist. “This is the perfect heist,” Nemo, the leader, says. The rest of the team agrees, if not perfect, it’s at least a pretty good heist. Then they go get beers at the Rusty Stirrup where Jenny works. Jenny’s really sexy. Also, she works for Donnie and the bad heist guys and signals the bad heist team that Nemo and his heisters are sitting at the bar drinking beer and just shooting the shit. Donnie’s heist team springs into action and heists Nemo’s plans for the perfect heist. When they get back to their heist hangout, Donnie unfolds the plans and is like, “What the hell is this?” Eddie, his brawny assistant, smashes the TV and screams, “It’s nothing but gibberish!” Then Nemo, who has been hiding in the corner, lights a match and says, “It’s not gibberish, Donnie. It’s code.” Then he laughs. Donnie’s brawny assistant, Eddie, looks at Nemo menacingly but Nemo gives a little signal like a “whoop whoop!” and his heist team rappels down from the ceiling and takes back their plans. “This isn’t over, Nemo,” Donnie yells. But Nemo just ignores him and he and the team go back to the Rusty Stirrup to celebrate by drinking beer and shooting the shit. Nemo gives the plans to Jenny to “keep in a safe place.” Because she’s so sexy it never even occurs to him she could be working for Donnie, which she is. Jenny immediately takes the plans into the backroom at the Rusty Stirrup and hands them to Donnie, but Donnie’s like, “It’s no use, Jenny, without the code this plan is gibberish.” Jenny takes the plans back and looks at them. “This isn’t a code,” she says. “It’s just some of the words are jumbled up.” Just then Nemo, who’s been hiding in the corner lights a match and laughs, “Ok, it’s not really a code, I’m dyslexic.” Eddie, who looks really brawny in this scene, takes out a taser and says he’s going to tase Nemo, but first Nemo says “whoop whoop” and then his team rappels down from the ceiling and knocks the taser out of Eddie’s hands and takes back the plans for the really good heist. Jenny, looking so sexy, runs over to Nemo and says she didn’t really mean to double-cross him and Nemo gives her a kiss and says, “I know, baby. Damn, you are so sexy.” Then they go back to the bar to drink beer and shoot the shit. This is just the first episode.

This is almost 10 minutes.

(Source: Spotify)

Tags: music spotify

Jan.

  • X: how's it going?
  • Me: grate
  • X: srsly
  • Me: no really good
  • X: 10 days is big deal
  • Me: it really was yeah
  • X: proud of u
  • X: wait was???
  • Me: lost some weight
  • X: where r u??
  • Me: home
  • X: home where
  • Me: y
  • X: where?
  • Me: that's kinda complex question
  • X: ?
  • Me: ok bar
  • X: jesus
  • Me: gave it real shot this time th o
  • Me: sorry

I think it’s when I casually play the recorder. They just know.

(Source: Spotify)

Tags: music spotify

What if tombstone epitaphs were written like horse racing past performance running lines?

What I Would Say to My Pottery Barn Table Designer

The first thing is I want my table to be simple. Mission-style perhaps. I like clean lines, nothing ostentatious. I’m a simple man with simple tastes and I want my table to reflect this. I want my table to be simple, yet elegant, something crafted from heavy solid wood, like oak, but with a deep mahogany finish to accentuate the wood’s natural grain and color. Also, I’d like it to be rectangular with the interior table portion dropped down about eight inches. A simple, Mission-style rectangular table with a large inset tabletop made of smooth glass such that a little ball could roll smoothly and easily across the table’s surface. Also, this is important: I would like it to have eight steel rods, four inserted on each side of this simple, Mission-style table. While we’re at it, on one end of each rod let’s put a little handle, too. Something for easy gripping. Nothing gaudy, of course. After all, this is a simple table. A simple, Mission-style table with a glass tabletop dropped down eight inches and four steel rods with simple handles inserted on each side. While we’re at it, what if we attach little ornaments to the steel rods? Little hand-carved wooden ornaments? Shaped like men perhaps? Little hand-carved wooden men, maybe with blocks instead of feet such that if there were to be a little ball rolling around on the glass tabletop surface, the little hand-carved ornament men could be spun wildly around using the handles on the steel rods and thus strike the ball with their little block-shaped feet? Yes, I rather like that idea. Also, on each end of the table, parallel to the eight steel rods, let’s go ahead and carve out an opening such that, were the little hand-carved wildly spinning men with block-shaped feet to strike the ball with proper skill introduced by an outside force, like my brother Pete, who would maybe be spinning and directing the steel rods, the ball could actually be, let’s say, “shot” into the little openings. Why, in a moment of levity, one might suggest to a dining companion that a “goal” has been scored. Ho ho! This would be shouted in jest, of course, so as not to offend. And lest offense be taken, perhaps it would be wise to affix a small bar with little counting beads, like the kind found on an abacus, on each end of this simple, Mission-style table so that, were something akin to a ball be struck with skill by the block feet of one of the wildly spinning hand-carved wooden men, there would be no need to shout “Gooooooaaaaaall, in your face, bro!” and one might instead simply slide one of the beads to one side? Do you think? Yes, yes, add that to the design please. I must say, I like your vision. I have a feeling this table is going to be simple, elegant and totally awesome.

What I Would Say to My Pottery Barn Table Designer

The first thing is I want my table to be simple. Mission-style perhaps. I like clean lines, nothing ostentatious. I’m a simple man with simple tastes and I want my table to reflect this. I want my table to be simple, yet elegant, something crafted from heavy solid wood, like oak, but with a deep mahogany finish to accentuate the wood’s natural grain and color. Also, I’d like it to be rectangular with the interior table portion dropped down about eight inches. A simple, Mission-style rectangular table with a large inset tabletop made of smooth glass such that a little ball could roll smoothly and easily across the table’s surface. Also, this is important: I would like it to have eight steel rods, four inserted on each side of this simple, Mission-style table. While we’re at it, on one end of each rod let’s put a little handle, too. Something for easy gripping. Nothing gaudy, of course. After all, this is a simple table. A simple, Mission-style table with a glass tabletop dropped down eight inches and four steel rods with simple handles inserted on each side. While we’re at it, what if we attach little ornaments to the steel rods? Little hand-carved wooden ornaments? Shaped like men perhaps? Little hand-carved wooden men, maybe with blocks instead of feet such that if there were to be a little ball rolling around on the glass tabletop surface, the little hand-carved ornament men could be spun wildly around using the handles on the steel rods and thus strike the ball with their little block-shaped feet? Yes, I rather like that idea. Also, on each end of the table, parallel to the eight steel rods, let’s go ahead and carve out an opening such that, were the little hand-carved wildly spinning men with block-shaped feet to strike the ball with proper skill introduced by an outside force, like my brother Pete, who would maybe be spinning and directing the steel rods, the ball could actually be, let’s say, “shot” into the little openings. Why, in a moment of levity, one might suggest to a dining companion that a “goal” has been scored. Ho ho! This would be shouted in jest, of course, so as not to offend. And lest offense be taken, perhaps it would be wise to affix a small bar with little counting beads, like the kind found on an abacus, on each end of this simple, Mission-style table so that, were something akin to a ball be struck with skill by the block feet of one of the wildly spinning hand-carved wooden men, there would be no need to shout “Gooooooaaaaaall, in your face, bro!” and one might instead simply slide one of the beads to one side? Do you think? Yes, yes, add that to the design please. I must say, I like your vision. I have a feeling this table is going to be simple, elegant and totally awesome.

Employee Handbook. p. 23Section 19.3.1, email correspondenceIf the “no reply@” email address is already taken, just use something similar.

Employee Handbook. p. 23

Section 19.3.1, email correspondence

If the “no reply@” email address is already taken, just use something similar.

"Some have recently argued against Daylight Savings Time, even going so far as to propose reducing the number of time zones in America to two from four. I have a better plan. Instead of reducing the number of time zones, let’s increase them. To nineteen. Nineteen time zones, separated by nine minutes."

http://www.theawl.com/2013/11/the-u-s-needs-to-retire-daylight-savings-time-and-just-have-19-time-zones-nine-minutes-apart