Ok, but if I was Ernie I’d make Bert change the channel back.

Ok, but if I was Ernie I’d make Bert change the channel back.

I’m Quitting the Band

"Pixies bassist Kim Deal has quit the band. Pixies have released four albums during their career. The last LP they released was the 1991 album, ‘Trompe le Monde,’ and the last single they brought out was ‘Bam Thwok’ in 2004.”

 
June 14, 2013, 9:57 p.m. A phone call from me to Eric Brodie, lead guitarist for our college band, Axe of the Apostles. 
Me: Hello?  
Eric: Hello? 
Me: Eric? Is this Eric? Eric Brodie? 
Eric: Who is this? 
Me: It’s Kevin. 
Eric: Kevin…
Me: From the band…
Eric: Kevin from the band… what band?  
Me: Our band. Axe of the Apostles.
Eric: Excuse me? 
Me: From college. Axe of the Apostles. 
Eric: Oh! Kevin. Holy shit. (laughs for a long time) Kevin from college, of course. I’m like, band? (laughs more). Wow, Kevin from college. Ok, dude, this is like… random. What is going on with you?  Why are you -
Me: Not much, not much. I got a few things going on, I mean, like in the works. You know, just a bunch of things. In the works. Nothing definitive. But you know, projects, a lot of projects. Just working on all these projects and -
Eric: Right. Right. Cool. That’s great. Listen, Kevin, wow. Kevin from the band. Dude, it’s been a realy long time but, like, we’re in the middle of watching a movie? So -
Me: Cool, what movie? 
Eric: I…uh… I don’t, it’s for the kids. Like, not a movie, just Netflix… or whatever… look man, do you need something?
Me: Oh! Sorry. I’m sorry, I’m just basically calling to let you know I’m quitting the band. 
Eric: ….
Me: I thought you should know. 
Eric:
Me: Because, like, we were the only two who really played through the whole four years? Or two. Whatever it was. I just felt like I owed it to you to call and, you know, just let you know I’m quitting the band.
Eric: Are you serious? 
Me: Yeah, yeah, I really am. It’s just time, Eric. It’s time to move on, you know? 
Eric: No, I mean, are you seriously calling me on, what, 10? Is it… No it’s after. It’s after… Are you seriously calling me at home to quit a band I don’t even remember being in? From like 25 years ago?
Me: See, I knew you’d be upset. That’s why I was putting it off.
Eric: Putting it off? Wait, is this Dennis? Is this for the stupid podcast?
Me: I’ve actually been meaning to do a podcast and have a bunch of ideas for - 
Eric: Ok, it’s not Dennis. 
Me: - like things that could be a podcast, interviews, just  - 
Eric: Ok, ok, Kevin. Kevin.
Me: - a whole lot of podcast ideas just it’s hard, you know - 
Eric: Kevin. Stop.  
Me: - cause of the time and -
Eric: Just stop. 
Me: Ok. 
Eric: So, is that it? 
Me: Yeah, I just wanted to let you know I’m quitting. The band. I’m out.
Eric: Well, it was interesting catching up. 
Me: I might still be open to some collaboration in the future though. 
Eric: Kevin, I’ve gotta go. 
Me: I  just wanted to throw it out there about the collaboration. I might have time in the Fall. Or Summer. Like August or something.
Eric: Ok, take care Kevin. 
Me: You take care too, man. We had a good run. We really did. Hello? 
Happy Father’s Day.

Happy Father’s Day.

True confession: Sometimes I crumple these up, set them all around the apartment and pretend they’re Fathers Day cards. 

True confession: Sometimes I crumple these up, set them all around the apartment and pretend they’re Fathers Day cards. 

Who Is in the House?

What’s happening New York City! Alright! Thank you. Thank you. Anybody from Brooklyn in the house tonight? Oh yeah! There we go, Brooklyn represent! What about L.A.? Any L.A. in the house? Ok. Ok. Got a couple. Came a long way. I respect that. What about Kansas City? Got any Kansas City in the house? No? No Kansas City in the house? Alright. Let me hear you Detroit! Anybody from Detroit in the house? Detroit? Detroit? No? Nobody from Detroit in the house. Huh. What about Newark? Newark, New Jersey! Is Newark in the house? Seriously? Ok. That’s alright. Just gonna go through this list here, see who we got in the house. I know we got some Washington D.C. in the house! Hell to the yeah! Glad you could make it. Let’s see, is Newa… sorry, already did that one. Here we go. Here we go. What about Daytona, Florida? Is Daytona in the house? No Daytona in the house. Belleville, Missouri! Is Belleville, Missouri in the house? Is Belle… Ok. That’s cool. That’s cool. Marking Belleville off. Is Nathitoches, Louisiana in the house? What about Shreveport? Monroe? Winnfield? Morgan City? Jasper? Thibodaux? Thibodaux? Thibodaux? Anybody from anywhere in the state of Louisiana, at all, anywhere, in the house tonight? No? No Louisiana? Whoa, whoa, everybody. Chill! I’m just seeing who we got in the house tonight. Is my man Eric in the house? Yo, Eric! From Vermont? Ah shit! My man Eric from Vermont. Is. In. The. House! Stand up, Eric. Where are you? Ok. Back there in the yellow shirt. Wait, Eric from Montpelier, right? Burlington? I don’t know any Eric from Burlington. Hey now, come on everybody, chill! This shit’s important. Don’t you all think it’s important we find out who’s in the house tonight? Gotta know who we’re dealing with, right? There’s a lot of people in the house. Calm down. We gotta keep this shit in order. Anybody from Luxembourg in the house tonight? Oh, ok. So it’s gonna be like that? I see. I see there’s some some provincial motherfuckers in this house tonight. 

On Monday morning someone jumped from the 8th floor at 116 John St. An elementary school class from a nearby Montessori school was walking by at the time, the children tethered by a rope. They saw it. The jumper clipped a guy carrying an umbrella on the way down and reportedly left a footprint-sized bruise on his arm. He screamed all the way down, they said, but not from apparent terror. At first, we heard he was elderly. Then we heard he was young, maybe early 20s. Someone said he was wearing a suit. Someone else insisted he was wearing a pancho because of the rain. The only thing anyone seems to know for sure is 1) he jumped, 2) he jumped from the 8th floor, and 3) there used to be a suicide prevention office on that floor, but it recently closed. 

Harry Caul from The Conversation listens to The Dude from The Big Lebowski.

Map of NYC Hipster Drone Strikes

Map of NYC Hipster Drone Strikes